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| ♥91 |
[7th October 2008 - 21:26] |
I'm starting to feel lazy about blogging. But I got to get this entry out for Fiona dearest cause she said she's bored. (^^lll) Haha.
Anyway! It's official that I am shifting to blogspot! I have not quite finalised the layout, but it's decent enough for me to start blogging there. (At least there's no irritating advertisements that screw up my layout. Haha! =p) But I will definitely miss receiving comments here. Somehow, livejournal encourages interaction and people really do leave comments. Unlike unfriendly blogger. (^^lll) But oh well... I guess I will just post entries here every now and then to remind my friends and LJ friends that I am still alive, but at blogspot. =)
And here's my new address, thywhaleliciousfay.blogspot.com!
( My last post at livejournal? )
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| ♥89 |
[28th September 2008 - 14:21] |
I sometimes do wonder to myself if they she really comprehend the reason behind those treats/outings. And alas...
I was asking my Mom for all my unopened letters cause I couldn seem to find them. Okay, I admit. I'm in the wrong too. I should not have just left my letters untouched on the dining table. I could have at least brought them into my room. Anyhow, somehow, my Mom and I started to argue...
Me: I lost trust in you. Cause from young, you always open my letters.
(Okay. My mistake. I should have made myself clearer by saying it's only the letter issue that I lost confidence in her.)
Mom: I dont trust you too.
Me: *Stun* Are you being childish by saying that just because I said that of you?
Mom: No. I dont have trust in you. I always have this feeling your hand bend outwards.
I was dumbfounded. The last I heard her say that line "your hand bend outwards" was in secondary school? During my teens, most significantly during my secondary school days, I was never quite in my Mom's good book. I could still remember how I tried apprehending at that age why she couldn love me as openly and lovingly as how she doted on my brothers. It was only later (maybe during my junior college days) when our Mother-Daughter relationship got better that I asked her. And she replied, "Cause you look neither boy nor girl."
...
I guess she does not know how much it meant to me when our relationship improved during my JC days. In fact, I was always trying to prove to her that I'm worthy of her loving. Doing stuff to gain her approval. Trying to earn my way into her good book.
Yet, from my JC days to Uni days, she would always throw her hot cold attitude/temper at me. Bringing our relationship from bad to good, to bad again. The one incident that I could never forget was that one Sunday family dinner at Chompchomp when she made me cry into my dinner. Imagine this... I was crying into the food I was eating. The humiliation I had to endure as food vendors stared at me and as my youngers brothers watched too.
*Eyes get very teary*
Anyhow, coming back... After graduation, it struck me one day that I could do more. Thus, almost a year ago, I took over 1 Sunday every month from my Dad to bring my family out. And it isn just about footing the bill. I was always looking out for nice places to bring them to. Places which they have not been to. I wanted them to enjoy the food and experience. And I thought probaby from these dinners she could at least tell I was making the effort to spend quality time with the family too. So, I was seriously stunned for words when she said that line.
It pierced my heart. Her words just reopened all those old raw wounds...
All I want her is to recognise that I love her (and my family of course), and that I just want her to love me back. Just alittle more. I want her to have the belief and faith in me that I am always here for the family in both good and bad times. That my hand does not bend outwards...
And now that I am reflecting, I suddenly realised... Could I have behaved like a boy then because at that naive age, I thought that was the only way she would love me like how she loved my brothers?
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| ♥88 |
[22nd September 2008 - 12:52] |
And it's ALL coming back to me! My hunt/quest for good food is coming back. Hee. I've compiled a really long list of interesting places to check out. Which also tells me there's some stuff I seriously seriously need to do/get:-
1) New camera (I'm eyeing Canon Ixus 860)
2) Organiser (Either a small book or a PDA)
3) Learn driving (Any good private instructor to recommend?)
( F O O D Overload )
And this week is going to be yet another interesting week! Meeting Elysa for dinner at Ma Maison Restaurant and to watch the play BOOM at DBS Arts Centre tomorrow, while I be checking out KHA with BB during the later part of the week. *Excited*
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| ♥87 |
[10th September 2008 - 17:37] |
They say they need you, but they dont use you.
So the company tendered successfully for a project at Yishun. And since then, everyone has been speculating that I will be transfered there. Maybe 'speculate' is the wrong word to use. Some have been telling me very matter-of-factly. (^^lll) Even my DPD (Deputy Project Director) has been hinting me big time.
And they say it's cause out of everyone here, I stay the nearest to Yishun. So they thought I would appreciate the move. But you know what... When we were later allocated duties for the planning/setting up stage, nothing is assigned to me. Funny ah?
I mean, if everyone seem bent on sending you over, they probably would give you a bigger slice of the planning. But instead, they give you nothing. I like to think that my DPD din give me any cause my face was super black. But, I somehow have the feeling that they probably just want to send me away/get rid of me.
They dont make me feel good about myself.
So once again, it comes to a point where I wonder if those late nights at work were worthwhile/appreciated. What's the use of selling your soul when you are just going to be nobody in the end. I really should have long given up the thought of being a successful female in the male-dominated construction industry.
Everything's fine again. I was reassured that I was probably thinking too much. =) ~ Edited, 13th Sept '08, 10:44am ~
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| ♥86 |
[6th September 2008 - 16:10] |
So... After learning of The White Rabbit from The Straits Times (and after reading so much of it from blogs), I finally checked out the place with my ODACians last night. Yeah! =) And thankfully we played safe by calling in on Wednesday to make reservation. When I called on Thursday to increase the number of people from 5 to 10, we were informed they were full house! Wow.
( A Friday well spent indeed! )
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| ♥85 |
[23rd August 2008 - 16:43] |
It's a scary thought to know that life still goes on when someone close dies. You wish the world would stop and mourn with you, but that will never happen. However, I think the scarier thought would be to know deep down in your heart that one day, you too will move on, no matter how sad you are now.
I cried till I vomited on the first night. I went through the same symptoms as I would during a breakup. I started to think about the things I did together with him. I found comfort basking in the presence of people who knew him too. I wished I did this or told him that. But it's never quite the same as healing a wound from a breakup. In a breakup, at least you know your ex-partner is somewhere out there. But in death, you know he is not physically around anymore.
Goodbye, I'm too late. I can never let you know how much you meant to me.
Goodbye... This is the hardest goodbye I ever had to say to date. This is a goodbye for eternal. I wont be able to say goodbye to him again...
I was at the hospital with my family 4-5 hours before he passed away peacefully. He was in a coma-like sleep when we visited. And as I held his hand, I wanted to tell him everything I always meant to say. But in my heart, I thought to myself "I will tell him the next time I vist him". So I just told him of the recent happenings. And never did any of us expect that it would be our last meeting. So I am kicking myself... Like why, why did I still drag/procrastinate when I learnt not to take time/things for granted.
The guilt, pain, regret mounting inside. Argh. I cant quite forgive myself.
Learn from my mistake. Really really treasure those close/dear to your heart. Dont make the mistake yourself before you learn. It'll very much be too late by then.
And the tears just came as I typed this entry. When I witnessed the cremation, I thought it was a closure of a chapter cause when I thought of him thereafter, I did not tear. But I guess I still miss my late Uncle very much. He was is my favourite Uncle, always and forever.
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| ♥84 |
[9th August 2008 - 16:13] |
In one yesterday, I spent $15.50 for my chance at TOTO's $8 million and $69.20 for an attempt at knowing a new friend. ($25.90 of the $69.20 went to my cab ride from work to home!!! $_$ Since I wanted to head home to change, I thought taking a cab would buy me more time than taking the MRT. But I ended up being super late for the dinner cause I happily forgot about the jam on PIE. Argh!)
Anyhow, dinner at Clarke Quay's Brewerkz was bad. The food was awful and overpriced. And my birthdate must have clashed with the new friend's, cause we were like horribly nasty to each other. Can you imagine that! Just the first meeting, and we were like throwing daggers/knives at each other! (^^lll) Haha. But hey! I got to spend some bonus time with Stefanie, Andy and Grace. =)
But there was something about the goodbye wave. The gaze that was held longer than it normally would. *Shrug*
And to Stefanie... Thank you for your attempt! Dont give up on me yet! Continue introducing more (nice) people to me. Haha.
Quite abit has been happening in my life too. You know the Hainanese Chicken Rice Stall at Far East Plaza? Well... That's my Uncle's stall. But no, he no longer stands behind the counter chopping away at chicken cause he's retired. Retired then, and not well now.
I'm afraid of losing him.
I have not told him how proud I am to have him as my Famous FE Chicken Rice Uncle. Then, he would always ask me to drop by his stall. And when I did, he would always feed my friends and I with all the dishes. Sometimes, he would give his niece extra pocket money too.
I have not told him how appreciative I am of him. He was the one who bought me my first handphone when my parents refused even when I was willing to pay for it with my savings. When I was in Junior College, I was rather obsessed with the idea of losing weight for D&D. And when he accompanied me to the slimming salon, I could tell he was protective of me cause he ended up reprimanding the lady for encouraging me to go for slimming courses when I was not fat.
And I have not gone about being that filial niece.
So once again, I'm reminded that Life is not about procrastinating. If you want to live your Life in a better way, you got to start working on it now.
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| ♥83 |
[5th August 2008 - 12:47] |
The 4 birthday cakes!
It was my birthday yesterday! Wish me "Happy Birthday" if you haven! (^^lll) HAHA!
Anyway, you know... When I hear/read about how this person received blah blah blah sweet, I would be happy and envious too. It's like... I dont know when and how, but I kinda concluded long ago that I can never be a receipent for anything sweet.
So... Last Saturday, I was to go to The Boiler's with Iz on the pretext that she's introducing a guy friend to me. But ah... My stupid immume system broke down from probably too many late nights at work. So at 10pm, I confirmed with her that I really couldn make it. And guess what, Iz replied to say that it was not just a know-more-friends session. They were going to surprise me with a birthday cake too. (^^lll) Sigh...
So I concluded it's probably me. I always dream of sweet surprises/things. But because I believed I wont receive such, I probably unconsciously turn away any sweet surprises that were supposed to come my way. GAG!
But you know what. Nothing beats celebrating a special occassion with a special someone. Celebrated my birthday with BB at Sentosa's ilLIDO, where the chef wiped out dishes that were not on the menu. And I would say our experience at ilLIDO was not too bad. The waiter attending to us in the resturant was attentive and knowledgable. The food was decent. But boy, was the waiter at the bar cocky.
BB: What time does the place close?
Waiter: As in the restaurant or the bar?
BB: Bar.
Waiter: Well, that depends.
BB: Depends on?
Waiter: On the king.
BB: King?
Waiter to a passing by waitress: Who is the king here?
Waitress: *Lost* Uh... You?
Waiter: Yup. I am the king.
BB and I: *Speechless*
Waiter: It'll depend on what time I want to close. If the crowd is good, blah blah blah...
SEESH!!!
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| ♥82 |
[26th July 2008 - 20:36] |
And I had been... Or rather, am burying myself in work so as to escape reality. To forget my pain/sorrow/sadness/depression.
I was crying just to get you
Now I'm dying cause I let you
Do what you do to me
~ Cryin', Aerosmith ~
Din you say if I wandered off too far, your love will get me home? Din you say if I follow the wrong star, your love will get me home? So tell me... Where do I go from here? Where's home?
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